In the new issue of Salvo, Greg Koukl points out some of the practical reasons for waiting on sex. Being such a counter-culture notion—and one that receives ridicule and hostility from its detractors—it is amusing that it really is just such solid and good advice based on nature and reality and, yes, even SCIENCE. Read the excerpt below to see what I mean. From the article Try Before You Buy? Not If You Are Looking for a Marriage That Will Endure Inevitable Trials by Greg Koukl.
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More than Mechanics
The first problem with the "try before you buy" approach is that it reduces sex to physical mechanics. The title of a well-known book, Sex Begins in the Kitchen, makes a great point: A critical part of our sexual fulfillment has nothing to do with what goes on in the bedroom, a truth women understand better than men.
Simply put, the power of sex and the effectiveness of a good sex life are not to be found merely in mechanics, but are primarily—though not entirely—relational. A good relationship can be improved by better mechanics, but good technique can't build a sound partnership. Ironically, "good" sex can actually be a danger sign. Some of the most unhealthy relationships are accompanied by tremendous sexual intensity. The cycle of conflict, then reconciliation, which is characteristic of unstable unions, can really launch the libido. That's why making up is so sweet.
Later in life, though, this emotional seesaw gets old. The eroticism dissipates, but the fighting and distancing remain. The very pattern that stimulated passion ends up ruining the marriage. Conversely, qualities that make for a healthy marriage—respect, self-control, kindness, charity, sensitivity, patience—do not lend themselves to sexual intensity at the outset. In the long run, however, these virtues stabilize the relationship and contribute to a satisfying sex life.
Is your sweetheart patient, sensitive, self-sacrificial, understanding, kind, and concerned about your particular needs? Those qualities make the real difference in the long run, and you can discover them without jumping into the sack together to test the machinery.
The new issue just now arrived from the printer, and I must say that it has turned out quite nicely. Subscribers will be getting their copies mailed to them tomorrow. If you don't subscribe, this would be a good one to start with. Subscribe today to ensure you get this issue!