Perry’s Advice for the Single Guy

by Julie Grisolano

If you’re like me you’ve been watching and reading about the Presidential election to the point that you may have worked yourself up into a lather of worry.  To take our faithful reader’s minds off of the serious matter of politics–temporarily–I have posted a funny, and only slightly vulgar, video from a young minister’s stand up comedy routine.  I don’t know who the comedian is, but he speaks a sad truth about our society: the feminization of the Christian church and the American male.  A sad reality to be sure, but alas, I still almost fell over in my chair with laughter from the way he phrased things. 


Beautiful_02- Single Guys Outtake from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

Salvo has covered stories on the neutering of the American male in S.T. Karnick’s article, "Girly Men."  Men have certainly been beaten down in the society, and the Sexual Revolution, the Media, schools, and yes, women, have helped facilitate the problem.  But still, all hope is not lost.

10 thoughts on “Perry’s Advice for the Single Guy

  1. I grew up with a lot of this kind of thing, in one form or another, in evangelical church/school settings. Rip-roaring stuff, in the pulpit or from the stage, by entrepreneur-pastor figures who happened to be step-forward personalities, good with words, or whatever. And I tried to play the part, the fellow who knows what exactly what he wants and makes it happen. Opened a lot of doors for young women — who perhaps really were, after all, looking for something besides a gesture. The truth is, the many variations of the ‘Be a man (like me)’ stage show doesn’t offer a whole image of manhood. Even if adopting the style works for you, gets you the girl, these talks are the ephemeral standing in for the solid — the solid, the substantial masculinity, being something much harder to grasp, and not fundamentally about getting or even ‘respecting’ the girl.
    More importantly, the Gospel — and therefore Christianity in all its dimensions — is about something greater still. Jesus doesn’t tell the weak, the misled, the uncertain, ‘Grow up,’ ‘Grow a pair,’ ‘Get a life.’ — Not because growing a pair, Heaven knows, wouldn’t do some good for the weak, misled, or uncertain man.
    But valuable as it may be, Jesus doesn’t concern himself with the advice he could undoubtedly offer, to the weak & the strong alike, for realizing themselves. He doesn’t show his disciples how to get what they want, worthy though their desires may be. He shows them himself, who wants things they don’t understand. He doesn’t teach them to plan & prosper, necessary though this is to human flourishing. He teaches them to pray. He doesn’t tell them how to be men, though for what he calls them to, men they do need to be. He tells them they need to become like children.
    Ideals of the masculine & feminine come and go, and we need them. Naturally. We need them, robust & real as we can get them, even as they elude us, even as their forms, styles, & gestures degenerate into superficiality and stereotype and, as ideals, they become unrecognizable. But Christianity is about something else, something greater. It’s about This Man. About his entrance into history — ‘I have come.’ And about our becoming incorporated, in all our varying temporal conditions, into him — ‘Come to me.’ Speaking as someone who’s heard a lot of the stuff that comes from Christian stages & pulpits & what have you, I’m recommending we fix on what Christ himself can tell us rather than what anybody confident with a mic, anybody who’s done okay for himself or herself out there, can tell us.

  2. I have to agree with Paul on this one. Also, coming from an evangelical background, and having experienced a mega-church or two, I find the whole stage, graphic shirt and jeans, mic’ed up cool older man thing hard to swallow. Besides, I don’t need THIS guy telling me how to be a man. I’d rather hear it from Paul Bunyan or Wyatt Earp.

  3. Being female, and single, I appreciated this video because of my personal experiences with guys who could/would not close the deal. And Julie’s right – it goes back to the feminization of the Church and the lack of stable fatherhood in families since the “sexual revolution”. I learned how to be a woman of God from my mother – isn’t the same true of men learning from their fathers? If their fathers are absent (physically, emotionally, spiritually) then who do they learn from? And don’t forget that Christ was man perfected – His offering Himself up to death is a masculine trait. He also had no problem laying down the law and being aggressive or assertive when needed (clearing out the Temple). God created men and women to be different for a reason. Look at our physical construction – women are built to receive and nurture, men are built to implant and conquer. And, ultimately, that’s what women want. Men who act like the men God intended them to be. I’ve NEVER heard a sermon preached on biblical manliness and womanliness and I’ve been going to church my whole life! It must stink for a man to hear stuff like this. But it doesn’t mean this guy isn’t correct. Of course this video doesn’t offer the whole image of manhood. We are fallen. But you must admit that the fallenness of society has affected the way men and women treat each other and act out their lives.

  4. I understand everything you guys are saying, and I have the utmost compassion. You are by no means wrong. First, please remember this is a clip from an entire sermon that was also part of a series.
    I have the utmost respect for both of you and your feelings. My response is not meant for argument just a thought.
    Everything you say, Paul, is right, but that is all of the in between growing stuff. We do have a goal and that is the Great Commission. This helps when we pro-create, but we can’t pro-create if we spend years trying to find the PERFECT person. We, Christian women, are at a disadvantage because it is clear that a man finds a good thing when he finds a wife – - not to say we can’t make ourselves more available. Women need guidence on how to do this better, too. We are not blameless.
    Jesus didn’t teach certain things because He led by example. He didn’t wait on anyone – - He went to the Father and then acted, followed through, with what He knew He needed to do from His time with the Father.
    He calls us to seek Him and He will answer, otherwise your arguments could hold true to every sermon we hear – - no matter what the topic is about.
    I think as single Christians, who want and know we are called to be married, we need to fast and pray to the Lord to reveal to each of us our mates. Because of your prayer you should know that you are drawn to a specific lady, who is equally yolked, for a reason. Then approach her and ask her out. Do it afraid if you have to, and we women also need to respond. Especially when a gentleman may not look like we expected him to look, but there is a peace about responding to him anyway.
    This pastor is speaking to the men who have not prayed first and want to ask out women who probably wouldn’t go out with them because God isn’t anywhere in that situation. It is based off of looks and emotions. Women have a sense and know when this is occuring – - I am sure men do too, but I can only speak from the woman’s perspective.
    Second, he is speaking to the guys who haven’t prayed like David prayed and are operating out of sinful fear. It is a sin!
    Regardless of his dress, Paul Bunyan and Wyatt Earp are Perry Noble to someone else, there is a message from the Lord. But you have to take what he says, he is human, to prayer. Ask the Lord, “what out of this sermon applies to me?” He will tell you.
    Again, there are things both men and women need to do here, but what I appreciate most about this blog is its willingness to show that clip and spark a conversation that desparately needs to happen. Too many Christians are single, but they aren’t joyful or peaceful about their singleness.
    I just wanted to share my thoughts based off of a lot of prayer and frustration in my own singleness. I don’t blame Christian men by any means and if anything I have learned that I have a huge role to play, too. I see where the Lord has changed my heart on my mate and things I thought were important, but I would be no closer to this change had I not sought and then stood on His promises.
    Persistance through discouragement equals success – - I often gave up too early and retreated to my house and solitude – - not a great place for my future husband to find me.
    I am normally not this open, but I feel this is such an important topic. Be blessed, guys, and if you haven’t already found your lady then I pray the Lord brings you to her soon! You both sound like great men – - thank you for sharing your thoughts and honesty.
    Julie, you are the best, and I love your blog. You are an awesome woman of the Lord – - thank you for always challenging others to strengthen their faith.

  5. There have been many great points made in the blogs above, and certainly, Paul was spot on in saying that Christianity is about THE MAN–Jesus Christ.
    That being said, God made us in His image and likeness–man and woman He created us. He made up physical, sexual, emotional, and intellectual beings. Therefore, in order to really be integrated and whole human beings in Christ, I believe it’s very important to understand what it means to be male and female. Further, it’s also important to understand the purpose of our sexuality, the physical differences of being male and female and how they relate to our emotions and our intellects as man and woman.
    Chelie made a great point in her line about women and men having bodies that are different. We see this most evidenced in the differences of our reproductive organs. Men and women are built differently. And I think there’s a reason that most anthropologist liken men to being hunters and women to being gatherers.
    This doesn’t mean that there’s ONE way to “Be a Man” like Perry says, nor that there’s only one way to be a “woman.” But I do think think that it’s no accident that we are built differently. As humans, and especially Christians who believe we are Created by the Creator, we need to be better at understanding the Theology of the Body, as John Paul II talks about, in order to fully utilize all the gifts God gave us.

  6. Over the past several years many pastors, Catholic priests, as well as laymen have become more and more concerned about the marriage crisis in our culture. Priests are scratching their heads wondering what is wrong with the situation. All of the priests recognize that there are many good, solid Catholic women who have been looking for their husbands for years. It’s interesting to hear a priest’s perspective because they hear the most intimate confessions of men and women. Priests have told me that many men are simply immature. Priests have become increasingly concerned because they see how the immaturity of men plays such a negative affect on women. It is a real problem that many men are not living up to their manhood and treating women poorly. The men that this pastor is talking to are lukewarm. And Jesus Christ said, “…hot or cold but if you are lukewarm I will vomit you from my mouth.” For the love of God and the sake of society (that is women, children and families) I pray that more men will put in the effort and care about how they treat women and try to fulfill their roles as LOVING protectors and providers for families. I’m not saying that I agree with that pastor’s delivery but at least he said something. Fr. Thomas Loya says the same sort of thing but lovingly and in a different way and he dresses in priestly garb. Fr. Philip Chavez is saying the same sort of thing and has an entire outreach to men to help them become more manly. However, the advice for women is to not rip on men. Be loving and supportive and encouraging and pray for them.

  7. A couple of points come to mind after reading the messages posted above. The first one is that Perry specified that many guys approached him for advice – that is important to remember here. For the guys who were clearly agitated upon hearing his talk, it seems that he apparently hit a sensitive nerve… Having established the reason for which he chose to focus on this particular topic (which is a very widespread syndrome), the next logical step is to inquire ‘why’ this is happening in society. Well, the original building block of society is the family unit. This structure has eroded drastically over the past century. Our modern secular concept of a family is nothing like what it should be or what it was intended to be (given the availablity of various physical sterilization methods – call it birth control or license for random hobby sex, whatever…). Logic tells us that deliberately detaching a Natural Act from its Natural Consequence is a Violation of Natural Law, regardless of intent. The road to Hell is paved with “good intentions.” Hence, bringing me to my second point – the noxious slippery slope to the Netherworld. So, since Satan never sleeps (excellent book by Pearl S. Buck & movie w/William Holden), it’s reasonable to deduce that the Devil would have much to gain by destroying the Family Unit. Divorce is an excellent example. The wily ways of the Evil One are multi-demonsional (clear play on words, not a typo!). The 5 greatest ploys of the Devil are: Despair, Doubt, Distraction, Discouragement, & Delay. Guess what – these are all afflictions suffered by the common guy. They are inhibit him from becoming a true Man, in the image & likeness of God. So, I’d say – take a clue from the foster father of Our Lord Jesus Christ – JOSEPH. He is the ultimate example of a real man, regardless of the challenges he faced, he braved it all with a strong will & heart – he prayed for strength and overcame his initial fears. Ladies, on the other hand, should strive to imitate the Blessed Mother. There is much to be learned from her in the example she sets forth for the virtues of Grace, Dignity, and Modesty. She wasn’t hysterical, she didn’t berate Joseph, she was always steadfast and she TRUSTED her husband. Let the Man be a man. Let the Woman be a Woman. Don’t contradict Nature, after all – it’s Divine Design. What makes us think we know more than our Creator? One final note: May God Bless the U.S.A. – especially on Election Day!

  8. Just want to add here that I’m about the same age as the fellow in the video, maybe a little older, and he doesn’t offend me as a man. I’ve been where the young men are to whom he speaks. And I’ve found the lady, lost the lady, moved on, found again. That’s life.
    I hear what these fellows with the mics are saying. But I also hear things they’re not saying. The Bible does give men & women the truest, realest guidelines for well-living, for building wholesome relationships, for finding fulfillment. That’s right, that’s true truth. But in Jesus, the Bible shows us something still more, something greater. In Jesus, the Bible speaks one single message alike to the man or woman who manages to do the manly or womanly thing in life, to the man or woman who barely manages it, and even to the man or woman who fails utterly. And though you can certainly see in Jesus the model that perfectly expresses all that those true guidelines for living intend, you must see something more than that. Because Jesus is not merely The Man, he is the Son who loves the Father, the Son whom the Father loves. And it is into this, his own life as he knows & loves God, as God knows and loves him — not merely to well-living — that he calls us. It’s this life, his own, that he shares with us in bread & wine. That’s the Christian message. That’s the message fellows with mics ought to be preaching to Christian young men.

  9. Pingback: Save the Males! » » Sign of the Times Sign of the Times | Salvo Magazine

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